All That Glitters
by s82
Summary: Could somebody find their way back into life when the one thing that meant everything to them has died? If not alone, could they do it with someone's help?


Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine except for Jacqueline. I have no permission and make no money for this story. Also, if any of you have read Oliver's Story you'll see certain parts that are from that book. They are nearly direct quotes and those plus the general premise is used without permission.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for language  
  
Archive: Don't know if anyone wants it but if they do just tell me so I can go and see it.  
  
Notes: As said before this is like Oliver's Story which is a sequel to Love Story. Both are terrific books that fit Moulin Rouge perfectly. This is told from Christian's POV.  
Things that are in italics are flashback sequences.  
  
Any flames will be regarded as a way to light my scented candles ^_^  
  
Please review!!!  
  
~*~  
  
ALL THAT GLITTERS…  
By: Susie  
  
~*~  
  
Prologue  
  
~*~  
  
"Are you afraid to love her, Christian?"  
  
I want to laugh. Really I do. Afraid? I'm not afraid- what would I have to be afraid of?  
  
Toulouse looks at me as if reading my mind. "Are you afraid of forgetting Satine?"  
  
How could I forget her? I shake me head venomously. I would never forget her.  
  
"Do you feel bad then?"  
  
I don't feel anything anymore. Not since she died.  
  
"You don't want to love another for fear you're going to replace the love you felt for Satine."  
  
When did he think he became so wise? Replace my love for Satine? I could never- she was the only one I'd ever love- will ever love.  
  
"You don't want to love another because you don't feel it won't be fair to her."  
  
Fair? Toulouse is crazy.  
  
"By loving someone else you acknowledge the fact that you can love another just as you loved her."  
  
I don't love another. I love Satine- end of story.  
  
"Don't let her death haunt you forever, my friend. You must live again." He sighs sadly. "Satine is always in your heart, but perhaps Jacqueline could be too."  
  
Damn Toulouse. Damn him and his exotic ways of thinking. Satine *is* my heart- no one else will ever be.  
  
But then why can't I forget Jacqueline?  
  
Damn everything and everyone.   
  
~*~  
  
Part One  
  
~*~  
  
It has been two years since Satine broke the bounds of the earth and flew free. Her life cut dramatically short due to an illness I couldn't stop- not matter how badly I wanted- needed- to. After her death the Moulin Rouge closed. Not because of it, per say, but because of the Duke.  
  
He walked out of that last performance holding the deed in his jacket pocket- Harold's home and lifestyle was whisked away just as swiftly as Satine's life. Before I became a local hermit, hiding away in my room, he spoke to me.  
  
"I do not blame you for any of this, Christian."   
  
He looked so much older and sadder than I had ever seen him.   
  
"You loved her and, in the end, she knew that and I'm glad. She deserved to have a happy ending."   
  
He then turned away from me and walked out of his old nightclub.   
  
I heard he went to another old Bohemia town hoping to start a new life. I have no idea if he succeed- I hope he did. Satine's death was hard for him as well- he lost a daughter. Or as he called her: His Little Sparrow. She was more than just the star of the Moulin Rouge to him- she was family. He loved her in his own way.   
  
Harold and myself weren't the only ones effected by Satine's death. The other Diamonds lost a sister, but, at the same time, that was the way of their lives. The air of death was always hovering around them- they cried, mourned, but knew they had to move on if they wished to survive. Most of the Diamonds left trying to find work else where. A few stayed behind working where they could. I've lost contact with them all.  
  
The only person I have any ties to anymore is Toulouse. He has become a confidant and a support in these last two years. He was the one that made me up hold my promise to write our story- which I did a year after her death. It was painful, but it needed to be done.  
  
I had promised.  
  
Toulouse and myself share my same apartment, which still overlooks the rundown old Elephant. Sometimes, I find him sharing off into space and I can imagine him picturing the way it use to glitter with life. I know that's what he sees, because that's what I see.  
  
Some days, I'll sit on my balcony looking at nothing and yet seeing a time long ago. If I look real hard I can see the lights on the Elephant alit. I can hear the music floating from the hall where I first met her. And on special nights, I can almost picture Satine walking around her room gently singing a sad song to herself. I can almost feel her...   
  
However, as soon as these moments come, they leave just as fast and I'm left with nothing again. Just a cold void in my heart that use to be alive whenever she walked into a room.   
  
Every Sunday, I visit the small grave I placed aside for my love. It's just outside of town on a grass covered hill. A simple, cream color stone is set in the earth with the name Sparkling Diamond written on it. I could have put more- I could have put her name, a small poem or words of our love, but I couldn't, because to me, she'll always be my Sparkling Diamond and no words could do justice to what she was to me.  
  
She was my everything.   
  
My heart, my soul, my air.   
  
I visit, say a few words, tell her I love her and then head back home. Toulouse never comes and never asks to- he knows this is something special and scared to me. Only one time was my silent visit to Satine ever interrupted by another person.  
  
It happened two weeks ago:  
  
"I miss you still, my love. Toulouse tells me to send his regards- he is also trying to cope without you." I sigh deeply. "I'll love you forever." I whisper and place the rose by her marker. Every time I come I bring a single red rose and place it in the ground. By now, the stack of flowers (both living and dead) is enormous, but I don't have the heart to remove any of them. I kiss my palm and then place my hand atop the light stone.  
  
"You loved her very much." A soft female voice startles me and I nearly fall over. No one's ever come near me when I'm with Satine. As a matter of fact, no one is ever around this old hill that, other than Satine's, is marked with a dozen or so tombstone.  
  
I look up to the voice and see a young woman roughly my age. She has light brown hair that falls just below her shoulders. Her outfit speaks of wealth- a light saffron dress with a dark blue over coat. She wears gloves and hat to keep out the soft chill that hangs in the air. Her eyes match her hair, but somehow shine quite brightly even given their darkness. She gives me a small smile- a little bit sad and a little bit understanding.  
  
"Yes. I did." I answer her question finally and she nods.  
  
"I'm sorry." Her voice is sincere as if she was a long time friend just learning about my loss.  
  
"Thank you." I whisper and look back to Satine's stone. I am, also, very sorry.  
  
"I'm Jacqueline." Her gloved hand reaches out and I shake it before I even think twice.  
  
"Christian." Jacqueline releases my hand and moves closer to my side.  
  
"Sparkling Diamond?" She asks in a soft voice. Her tone carries much- who was this Sparkling Diamond, how did I know her, what happened- I take a sigh.  
  
"Her name was Satine." A nod and I continue. I tell Jacqueline about the Moulin Rouge- about my love, the Duke, Harold- I tell her everything. I realize that she is the first person I've ever told this to- actually this is the first time I've spoke about it. The only other time was when I wrote our book- but no one reads that.   
  
I finish my story telling her about how Satine died in my arms behind the closed curtains. I'm aware that tears have built up in my eyes, but none have fallen. Over the past two years, I have shed more tears than I ever thought was possible. There comes a time when you can cry no more.  
  
"She seemed wonderful."  
  
She was and so much more, I want to say, but I simply nod.  
  
"Why are you here?" I ask.  
  
"My father passed away a month ago."   
  
"I'm sorry." I offer her the same sentiments that she did for me. Jacqueline nods in acceptance.  
  
We stand for a moment longer in silence before she turns to walk away.  
  
"Goodbye, Christian." She says as she head down the hill.  
  
"Goodbye." I return and looked back at Satine's stone.  
  
I hear her stepas fad away and know she is no longer within earshot of me.  
  
"I love you." I say one more time and then leave also.  
  
That was the first time I had seen Jacqueline, but not the last.  
  
A few days later, when I went out for food, I saw her. She smiled and gave me a little wave, but that was all. We didn't stop and talk or anything. I returned home without a thought in my mind about her.   
  
The next Sunday, when I went to visit Satine, I saw Jacqueline there. At first I was angry. She knew I would be here and purposely came- interrupting the time with my love. But, as she came closer to me with a kind smile on her face, I felt my anger drain away.  
  
We sat together and talked. Sometimes about my life at the Moulin Rouge and Satine, sometimes about my past or her past and present. By the time we were done, the sun was setting and we both had to go to our own homes.  
  
I came home and instantly Toulouse started twenty questions. Wondering where I had been, if I had been with someone, and more. I merely told him of the visit with Jacqueline and he got this smile on his face. He said nothing, but that smile spoke for itself.  
  
Since I wrote the story of Satine and myself, Toulouse makes a point of telling me to get out and live again. He tells me he hates to see the bright future I had flicker away and die. I, of course, tell him that there is no future without Satine. Toulouse parries, telling me she wouldn't have wanted me to suffer and live like a hermit because of her. She always loved life and would want me to do the same.  
  
I the tell him, in so many words, to leave me alone because, the truth was, his words strike a cord with me. Would Satine hate what I was doing to myself? I laugh because I don't even know why I bothered asking that absurd question.  
  
Of course, she'd hate what I was doing.  
  
But, at the same time, I can't help it. My whole life I believed in the beauty of love- believing that it could over come anything. And I realized that was a lie.  
  
Love can't overcome everything. It can't overcome sickness no matter how much one proclaimes their love. I've lost my faith in love knowing that, no matter how much of your soul you gave to someone, it could never be enough because you still lose that person.  
  
Love isn't a many splendid thing- love is a joke.  
  
In truth, I hate love because it deceived me. It made me believe that my life would be perfect- filled with joyous days with Satine. It made me believe that nothing could separate us- that our futures were forever intertwined. It put a smokescreen in front of my face that hid the truth from me.  
  
I hate what love did to me. It ripped out my heart, stomped on it, and then threw it back into me empty. It laughed in my face as I held Satine when she died. Love was a bastard and I want nothing to do with it again.  
  
Not that, even if I wanted to, I would ever love again. My Sparkling Diamond will be the only one that I ever hold in my heart.  
  
Toulouse left me alone the rest of that night and didn't mention Jacqueline the next day. I didn't think about her either.  
  
That was until I saw her again.  
  
It was a rare event to see someone walking around the old, abandoned nightclub, but, one early evening, I could see someone. I began to rush out my room- why? I don't know. I think a part of me almost thought it was Satine coming home. Stupid. So, so stupid.  
  
I was running out and towards the Elephant when I saw her.  
  
Not my Satine, but Jacqueline.  
  
She gives me a sympathetic smile that clearly shows her apology for invading something that she understands to be very sacred to me.  
  
"What do you want?" My distaste of seeing her where she was wasn't hidden by my tone.  
  
"I was looking for you." She answers with a slight blush.  
  
I cross my arms. "You found me."  
  
She adverts her eyes from mine. "I'm sorry. I'll leave."  
  
Her voice is so soft and filled with hurt that I begin to talk without even thinking.  
  
"No, it's all right. Why don't you come upstairs."  
  
Jacqueline smiles looking instantly better and I find myself returning the gesture. We make our way upstairs and I open my apartment door before remembering what it looked like.  
  
My bed is a rumpled mess, the floor is litter with clothes and papers are tacked all around the room. Some are short poems I wrote, others the beginning of scripts and plays I had tried to finish. And then there's the sacred corner that has the entire 'Spectacular, Spectacular' script up. I haven't touch that since the day I hung it up- a week after Satine's death.  
  
It's a reminder of the joy and the heartache that occuedr while writing that. More than anything though, it's a way to remember her when she was alive. When I read over the words, I can picture her saying the words or singing the lyrics. I can see her lying on my bed with the sheet draped over her as I tell her about the newest scene or song. I can see her- alive.  
  
Jacqueline looks around and I turn to her giving him an ashamed smile. "I'm terribly sorry for this mess."  
  
She waves a hand and enters the small home. Jacqueline looked around and finally takes a seat on the old chair I sit in by while working on my typewriter. "It's not that bad and, besides, it just looks lived in."  
  
I let off a small smile at the down playing she's bestowed on my room.  
  
"I like it when you smile." I instantly stop and she notices this. "I'm sorry."  
  
"No. No, it's okay." I offer her a drink of water that she refuses and take a seat on my bed away from her but looking at her.  
  
"I came here to find you." She restates what she had said down below and I nod. "I wanted to see how you were doing."  
  
"Fine."  
  
Jacqueline looks at me and then around the room. "If this mess is any indication of 'fine' I hate to see bad."   
  
"Hey, you said it looked lived in!" I don't even notice the small sense of flirtation humor I began.  
  
"I lied. It looks horrendous." She laughs and something about the noise is infectious and I begin to laugh to.  
  
I am vaguely aware that this is the first true laugh I've had since Satine's death. It's almost as if Jacqueline knows this because she slowly stands and moves next to me on the bed. She stops laughing and looks at me with her chocolate eyes.  
  
"You should laugh more often."  
  
"I have nothing to laugh about anymore." I confess.  
  
Jacqueline puts a hand on top of mine that are resting on the bed. "That's a tragedy."  
  
I'm not aware what's happening until I feel her lips on mine. It wasn't a passionate kiss, nor a deep kiss, but just a soft caress. She removes her mouth from mine and it's then I'm aware of what happened.  
  
One tear slides down my cheek and Jacqueline's soft hand whips it away. "I'm sorry."  
  
I want to tell her that it's okay, but I can't find my voice because inside it doesn't feel okay.  
  
How could I betray Satine like this? I loved…love…her.   
  
This is wrong.  
  
"It is not wrong to try and move on, Christian. Satine would never want you suffer."  
  
I want to yell at her- how dare she think to know my Diamond! How dare she! Yet, at the same time, like with Toulouse, I know she's speaking the truth.  
  
I close my eyes. "It's okay." I manage to say.  
  
When I open my eyes, Jacqueline is within centimeters of my face. "I'm glad." She says and then kisses me again.  
  
This time it's different- deeper- more passionate. We remained together for a few minutes until she breaks away.  
  
"I have to leave." Jacqueline stands and heads to the door.  
  
"Thank you." I say but I'm not sure what for. The company? The understanding? The kiss? I hope I don't mean the kiss.  
  
"Welcome."   
  
I watch her leave and walk down the street until she's out of site. With a sigh, I fall onto my bed. Two thoughts are running through my mind:  
  
One: What do I do about Jacqueline?  
Two: What do I do about Satine's memory?  
  
I fall asleep and dream of nothing.  
  
When I awake I feel almost refreshed. I shower and dress getting ready for who knew what. I find myself lost- no where to go and nothing to do. Finally, I decide to head into town and away from Moulin Rouge. This will be the first time that I've gone out just to go out. Not to visit Satine, or get food, or pay bills. I'm going out to just…go.  
  
I spend the afternoon walking around just looking. In the back of my head, I was wondering if I was trying to find Jacqueline, but I dismiss that as crazy. Stop acting stupid, I berate myself.  
  
The afternoon comes and go and finally I'm heading back to my home when I do see her. For the first time in what seems like forever my heart skips a beat. I watch her deal with a fabric maker and finally get what she came for. She turns and notices me.  
  
"Christian." She exclaims and heads my way. I smile at her and met her in a hug.  
  
I don't understand the compulsion, but it is almost…enjoyable.  
  
"What are you doing out?"  
  
I tell her about my afternoon.  
  
"Well, you must be famished. Let's get something to eat."  
  
Jacqueline guides me through the streets and finally we stop in front of a small French café. She walks up to the hostess. "Table for two, s'il vous plait."  
  
We're seated almost instantly and I find myself hungerier than I thought. I look over the menu and, much to my dismay, it's all in French. Sure, I've lived here for two years, but at the same time, I haven't gotten out much.  
  
"Um…Jacqueline?"  
  
She looks up and smiles. "Yes?"  
  
My face gets this embarrassed look I'm sure. "I can't read the menu." I admit in a small voice.  
  
She looks at me and blinks her eyes before erupting into laughter. I put a hand up to hide myself.  
  
"It's not that funny." I mutter only to make her laugh more.  
  
"It's okay, Christian." She beckons the waiter over and orders us…something. I'm almost afraid to see what it is.  
  
Her chocolate eyes are still filled with mirth when she looks back at me. "You're a silly man."  
  
I don't bother to try and defend myself. We fall into silence, sipping our waters and looking around.  
  
"So," I begin. "What do you do?" It is the nineteen hundreds- times are changing. I even heard that some woman work now- other than on the streets. Jacqueline looks almost frightened, but then hides the look.  
  
"Nothing. I am now keeping track of my father's records since his death."  
  
"Oh." I wonder what's she's hiding, but don't press. Our dinner comes and it turns out to be a very large fish meal. I eat my dish enjoying the cuisine- it's the best thing I've had in…well…forever. We finish the meal off with a glass of wine.  
  
"The check." I reach out for it- knowing that this will take any pocket change I had, but not allowing Jacqueline to pay. However, she waves a hand.  
  
"Put it on the tab." The man nods and leaves. I raise an eyebrow in question.  
  
"My father use to come here all the time- they understand and will with hold the bill until the end of the month."  
  
I still feel bad not paying, but let it go. Obviously, her father was wealthy and left his daughter a lot of money. We take our leave and walk through the town as the sun begins to set. She tells me she's needed at home and then walks away.  
  
"Wait."  
  
She turns.  
  
"Let me walk you there."  
  
Jacqueline smiles and holds out her hand. I take it and we walk towards her home. We make it there in about thirty minutes and, when we do, I find myself completely speechless. I'm standing in front of a large white home that can only be described as a castle. She notices my awe and laughs.  
  
"It is quite big, isn't it?" I nod and walk her towards her down.  
  
She opens it and then looks back at me. "Would you like to come in?"  
  
I swallow and try to get my mouth to form the word 'no', but it doesn't. "Yes." I say and my legs bring me in doors.  
  
She leads me around until we stop in front of a large white door. Jacqueline smiles and opens it to reveal a bedroom. "Would you like to come in?" She asks again.  
  
I find myself desperately trying to think of Satine- longing to see her face so that I can turn around and walk back home.  
  
Sadly, I don't see anything but Jacqueline. I nod and we enter with the door closing behind us.  
  
I moment I wake up I'm immediately confused and then I feel a soft presence next to me and realize where I am. As if she can feel me wake up, Jacqueline begins to stir and opens her eyes smiling up at me.  
  
"Bon matin." She greets.  
  
I smile back as she stretches her arms and legs.  
  
"How do you feel?"  
  
"Okay." I answer and grab one of her hands. My voice, however, doesn't convince her.   
  
"Do you feel uneasy, Christian?"  
  
I nod because, I realize, I sort of did.  
  
"Because you thought of Satine?"  
  
"No." I said and look out the window at the sunrise. "Because I didn't."  
  
I head back to my home and find Toulouse in my room. He just stares at me not needing to ask where I had been because somehow he knew.   
  
"It's nothing." I say and walk past him.  
  
"Are you afraid to love her, Christian?"  
  
I want to laugh. Really I do. Afraid? I'm not afraid- what would I have to be afraid of?  
  
Toulouse looks at me as if reading my mind. "Are you afraid of forgetting Satine?"  
  
How could I forget her? I shake me head venomously. I would never forget her.  
  
"Do you feel bad then?"  
  
Bad? Why would I feel bad? I don't feel anything anymore. Not since she died.  
  
"You don't want to love another for fear you're going to taint the love you felt for Satine."  
  
When did he think he became so wise? Taint my love for Satine? I could never- she was the only one I'd ever love- will ever love.  
  
"You don't want to love another because you don't feel it won't be fair to her."  
  
Fair? Toulouse is crazy.  
  
"By loving someone else you acknowledge the fact that you can love another just as you loved her."  
  
I don't love another. I love Satine- end of story.  
  
"Don't let her death haunt you forever, my friend. You must live again." He sighs sadly. "Satine is always in your heart, but perhaps Jacqueline could be too."  
  
Damn Toulouse. Damn him and his exotic ways of thinking. Satine is my heart- no one else will ever be.  
  
But then why can't I forget Jacqueline?  
  
Damn everything and everyone I think and storm back out of my home. Toulouse is a crazy gnome that doesn't understand anything. I don't love Jacqueline she just happens to be here.  
  
I find myself standing at the base of the Elephant without even realizing it. I look up at the forlorn statue and find the stairs to the top. I make it up and stand in the center just under the torn cloth cover that use to be a bright red which was now a faded pink. I look out at the city and then look at the Moulin Rouge- or what was left.  
  
The windmill has a broken arm that hangs loosely and the sign is nearly falling off the building, but somehow it still stands. I close my eyes, not being able to stand the way it looks so dead…  
  
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.  
  
Oh god, no.   
  
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace.  
  
Tears fall from my cheeks as I hear the words in my head.  
  
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste.  
  
And it all revolves of you.   
  
Seasons may change- winter to spring.  
  
"But I love you." I whisper to the emptiness around me.  
  
Until the end of time.  
  
My knees collapse from under me and I fall to the ground with a sob. "Why did she leave me?" I choke out in question to anyone that will hear me.  
  
"Because it was her time." I gasp in surprise- not knowing anyone was with me.  
  
I look around and see Jacqueline standing just a few feet away.  
  
"I came to see you again and saw you here. I wanted to make sure you were okay." I'm not and she knows it.  
  
"She didn't want to leave you, Christian, but it happened. You have to let her go- it's been two years."  
  
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and looked up to Jacqueline. Her face was flooded in concern.  
  
"Let go, but you don't have to forget." She holds out a hand and I reach for it. She helps me to my feet and pulls me into an embrace which I welcome.  
  
She is telling me the truth. I do have to let go and plan to do just that.  
  
It's hard at first- very hard. Every time we spend time or even a night together I can't help but feel that I'm cheating on Satine- that I shouldn't be with Jacqueline because it's like deception. Yet, something also tells me this is right- that there's nothing wrong with moving on- especially after two years.  
  
Jacqueline is much like Satine, and still, is nothing like her. Satine and Jacqueline are both very beautiful woman in their own ways but Jacqueline has this certain naivity to her that my Diamond didn't have. Satine had seen pain- felt it- been raised in it and it made her hard but so wonderful. Once you got past the defensive exterior there was a world a even more beauty. With Jacqueline I never had to peal away any layers to see the extent of her beauty.  
  
That was both refreshing and saddening.  
  
With Satine it was like a great mystery to find her soul with Jacqueline there's little or no mystery. The only thing at all hidden about her is the fact that she writes. She told me this once and instantly I wanted to read her work. She said she only was in the process of writing one book and that I couldn't read it. I tried to get her to let me but she said once it was published. So, I smiled and left it alone.  
  
Jacqueline and I have a very different relationship that Satine and I did. With Satine there wasn't anything I couldn't do or say. Hell, many times I broke out in a joyous song around her! We could have the most endearing talks, or the funniest talks, but we always understood each other and how deep our love was. With Jacqueline, the 'meaningful' talks are few and far between. When we do have them, they aren't like they were with Satine.  
  
We would sit for hours talking about what we would do differently with our lives, what we plan to do differently. We could sit and express our love through words, lyrics, or just physical contact.  
  
With Jacqueline there's not love professions by either of us. We are kind and endearing with each other, but everything has an air of joking about it. There's no true grasp of our emotions and it bothers me.  
  
I think, however, what worries and bothers me the most, is how I constantly compare us and her with Satine and our relationship. And when I do compare, it never is positive to Jacqueline and I. Each comparison makes me see what I had with Satine that I don't with Jacqueline.  
  
I've told Toulouse as much and he simply said that I needed time. With the passing of weeks, months and, perhaps, years I would find myself still remembering Satine, but not using her as a guide for relationships. I, for once, hope he's right.   
  
For nearly five months, Jacqueline and I have been together and I actually seem…happy. It's an amazing feeling not to want to die everyday and I cherish it. We spend nearly everyday together and many of the nights, and yet, we still have never stayed at my home. Except for the first night, when she kissed me, we rarely go back, and when we do, it's only for a few hours.  
  
She never asks to spend the night and, for that, I'm thankful because I don't think I could allow her to- I don't think I could stand it.  
  
Jacqueline suddenly interrupts my though and turns to me with a hopeful smile on her face.  
  
"What?"  
  
She takes a deep breath. "Would you read me 'Spectacular, Spectacular?'"   
  
I swear my heart had to stop beating. She grabs my hand and squeezes it.  
  
"I really would love to hear it."  
  
I look up at her and swallow. I don't know what to do- to read her the play- OUR play- seemed like such an invasion of privacy both for Satine and I and yet, at the same time, it would therapeutic.  
  
"Let's go to my home."  
  
She smiles and we stand- heading back to my room. We reach the trashy apartment and I head straight to my 'scared' corner while Jacqueline takes a seat in one of the two chairs. I slowly pull down the paper- careful not to cause them any harm- and get them in order. Finally, I finish and take the other chair.  
  
With a very deep breath I begin.  
  
"Truth. Beauty. Freedom. But above all this story is about love. A love so strong that not even the evilest of tyrants could break apart the bond two lovers forge." And so, I lose myself in the story- reading the lines and singing the songs. I don't even notice if Jacqueline's paying attention because I'm so lost in the memories. Even as I read I see the practices we had. I see the Duke watching Satine- looking at her like a piece of meat. I see Satine not paying any attention to him, but keeping my eye.  
  
Before I know it, I'm finishing. "And so, the penniless satar player turned to the beautiful courtesan. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. He stated while pulling the beauty into a kiss. The two join in a kiss- knowing that they would be together till the end of time."  
  
I put down the script and notice Jacqueline's crying. I pile the papers just as she wipes away her few tears.  
  
"That's the way it should have ended." I whisper and she softly nods- she understand what I'm talking about.  
  
"I'm sorry it didn't. But, then I might never have met you." She confesses. I don't agree with her, because, as much as I like her, to have Satine by my side would have been heaven.  
  
"I'm going to go home." Jacqueline says and stands. For once, in nearly a month, I let her go home alone.  
  
The next day, I stop by and we have breakfast together.  
  
"How would you like to get away?"  
  
I wonder what she has in mind and ask as much.  
  
"I heard that Rome is simply beautiful this time of year."   
  
"How can we afford it?"  
  
She smiles. "I have more money that I know what to do with saved up. We can leave tomorrow if you like."  
  
"Why this suddenly want to leave the country?" I semi-joke and semi-ask.  
  
She leans in as if sharing a secret with me. "Remember how I told you I was working on a book?" I nod. "Well, my father knew an editor who I looked up and sent the story to. He said he loved it and would send it off to another set of editors that deal with books, but he sounded promising."  
  
I smile at her- I'm truly happy for her. "You must let me read it."  
  
"Not yet." Is all she says with a smile. There's something…cunning about that smile, but I let it go. Just my imagination.  
  
"So, do you want to go?"  
  
I think about it for a moment and then agree. It will be wonderful to leave France and see a new place. We spend the rest of the day in downtown Paris looking at shops and such. Dinner is spent at her house and by early evening we have both fallen asleep planing to leave early tomorrow.  
  
I awake before Jacqueline does and sneak out the room so she doesn't get up on my account- it's far too early to leave yet. I make my way into the den where I can enjoy a few books until Jacqueline wakes up. I'm looking for something to read when a small letter catches my eye. I normally never pry into Jacqueline's social life or the work that she has to do for her father, but something pulls me to this letter.  
  
I unfold the creases and read it.  
  
Oh god.  
  
I drop the paper and rub a hand over my face. This is a dream- no- a nightmare. I pick up the disregarded paper- re-reading it. The words are still the same.  
  
Dear Madam Vienn-  
  
The editors loved you book, and their only concern is in regards to the title. They would like to change it from "Spectacular, Spectacular" to "Love Story." Tell me if you don't like any of this change.   
  
Sincerely,  
C.H. Martin  
  
Oh god. What did she do?  
  
Wait. I tell myself. I know what she did- she stole my story…no. OUR story. That was Satine's story. That was her goddamn book. I rush to the room where Jacqueline's sleeping still holding the letter in my hand. The door bangs open, instantly awaking Jacqueline.  
  
"What in the name?"  
  
I move closer and throw the letter on the bed. She sees it and winces a bit.  
  
"What is that?"  
  
Jacqueline sighs. "Christian, listen, it's not like that."  
  
"The hell it isn't! You took my story. You took Satine's and my story."  
  
Damn her. No wonder she never wanted to tell me about it. For five months, she has been secretly writing down what I told her of Satine and I.   
  
Damn her to hell.  
  
"Well, it's a good story." Sometimes in her voice enrages me even more.  
  
"It's not just a story- it's my life! It's her life! How dare you!" How dare she is right. How uncaring can someone be to steal another person's life without them knowing? I feel violated and used. She used me for my story and my experiences.  
  
She rolls to sit up. "It's not like that- I know what it means to you and know that you would never have done anything but hold on to it. I wanted the world to read your story." Jacqueline takes a deep breath. "I didn't use you for your story. I love you, Christian, and want to spend my life with you. When I heard about Satine and about your past I couldn't help it. It was such a heartwarming, tragic story. It needed to be written and you know it." Another pause and another breath. "I do love you."  
  
I stare at her and wonder if this was the woman I almost…loved?   
  
"It's my story." I say, but my voice isn't as loud as it use to be. I'm defeated right now- I'm in utter shock that I thought I could love this woman. I'm strangely numb inside and suddenly feel very alone like I had when Satine died. But this isn't because I'm losing Jacqueline- I know I don't love her- I couldn't love anyone that did something like this to me. It's because I'm feeling the pain of Satine all over again.   
  
With Jacqueline, I had been able to release some of the sorrow I had from my Diamond's death, but now it's all coming back as it did nearly two and half years ago.  
  
Jacqueline stands and grabs my hand before I can pull it away. "Soon it will be the world's story." She says breathlessly.  
  
"No." I say and shake my head as I pull my hand away from hers. Jacqueline suddenly looks mad.  
  
"Why can't you let her go? She's dead, Christian! You're still so hung up on Satine that you don't want to be with anyone else."  
  
I don't add that I now realize I can't be with anyone else.  
  
"Look, I'll let you in on the book sale."  
  
"Jacqueline." I take a breath. "You are a heartless bitch." I say and turn away.  
  
"Wait!" She cries. "I need you." I hear tears in her voice, but didn't turn. "You need me, too."  
  
I don't know what to do and so I turn around. I see it in her eyes, how lost she looks and then realize that's the problem. I am lost too and she can't help my find myself. I turn and walk back to my home just as the last bits of sunlight faded- I hope the darkness would swallow me.  
  
I move away the next week- back to England. I could never be happy in France again and especially not in Momatre. I told Toulouse he could come but he said he had to stay behind because this was his home. I wished him the best of luck and made my way to the train taking me back home.  
  
I never tell my parents that I was coming home- for all they know I'm in a gutter somewhere in France. I get a job at a local bookshop spending my days there- away from reality and lost in the fantasy of books. I have friends that know nothing of my past or Satine and that's fine with me. After Jacqueline, I don't plan on sharing that experience with anyone.  
  
I never did see "Love story" hit the shelves here and wonder if she ever did get it published- I don't want to know really.   
  
At night, I take walks to the nearby park just to pass time. As I walk, back into my home, I look out at the horizon picturing France and the Moulin Rouge and think back to the times when I had been happy.   
  
Sometimes I wonder what I would be if Satine was still alive.  
  
And then I answer:  
  
I would also be alive.   
  
  
~Finis~  
  
"All that glitters is sure to fad away." 


End file.
